I am more thankful than ever. Having dealt with the excruciating pain of losing a baby, I have come to appreciate the people who are in my life, those people who God has blessed me with. I am thankful for my husband who continues to support me through my ups and downs, who says that he's proud of me, who works his ass off so that I can be a stay at home mom...my dream come true! I am thankful for Addison, who continues to be my pride and joy, who has brought me tissues and hugs when she saw tears rolling down my face, who endlessly tells me that she loves me. I am thankful for Juniper, who gives the biggest hugs and kisses, who always seems to bring a smile to my face. I am thankful for my mom, who comes every morning to put Juni on the bus, who is the best grandma ever, who always gives me the best hugs and the most reassuring words/advice. I am thankful for my sister and BIL who are always there for me and my family, who love the girls unconditionally. I am so thankful for my fiends, who have continued to check up on me through calls/emails/msgs, who constantly remind me that I am still in their prayers, who ask about my grieving process. I am thankful to God, even though I still have moments when I'm angry with Him, I still thank Him for providing for our family, for showing me what is truly important in life.
I am so incredibly thankful this Thanksgiving.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea though. I am still grieving. I still cry about my baby Penelope. I still miss her and think about her every single day. But like I've said, the grief will never go away. There is no closure to it, but that's a good thing because I don't want closure. I don't ever want to forget what happened. I don't want to forget my baby. This baby loss thing is bittersweet in many ways and has many phases. It's part of my life. During major holidays like tomorrow, I may shed a tear because I miss Penelope, because she should be present at our family's Thanksgiving table, her birth and life should be something I'd be giving thanks for. But just because I'm sad, just because I'm still grieving, doesn't mean I'm not thankful. I am more thankful than ever...